How to Deal with Anger?

Questioner: What is anger?

Acharya Prashant: Something happens, you get angry. We are looking at that event very very closely. Something happens and you get angry. Let’s give the whole thing a shape, a name, a face.

A stranger comes to you and says, “You are stupid,” and he says this in front of many people.

A friend on whom you rely, a friend whom you trust, he comes to you in front of twenty people and says, “You are stupid.” And you have great trust in that friend, you have great belief in that friend.

When would you be angry? When are you likely to be angry? When are you likely to feel hurt, when the friend says this or when the stranger says this? The stranger is a nobody, you do not know him; just somebody. He has just come, said, and gone. When are you likely to feel hurt?

Questioner: When the friend says this.

Acharya Prashant: When the friend says this, right? Remember, both of them have uttered the same words, both of them have said you are stupid, and both of them have said this in the same situation, in front of twenty people. But when do you feel hurt? When your friend says that, right? Now, let’s go into it.

Why do you feel hurt and therefore angry when your friend says this? Why do you feel hurt when your friend says this and why not when the stranger says this?

Questioner: Because you have expectations.

AP: Expectations, alright. See, had the reason of your anger been those words that you are stupid, had those words been the reason why you were angry, then you would have been equally angry at the friend and the stranger, right?

So, words are not the reason. The reason is something else. What is the reason?

Questioner: Expectations.

Acharya Prashant: Expectations are the reason. You do not get angry at the event; you get angry at the expectation that you have from him. Are you getting it?

You do not get angry at anything other than your own expectations. When they are defeated, when they are frustrated, when your expectations are not fulfilled, that is the situation you call as anger.

Anger is the frustration of expectations.

So, if a fellow has a lot of expectations, what will happen to him? There will be chances of more and more…?

Questioner: Anger.

Acharya Prashant: Anger. Whenever you feel angry, you must see this very very clearly that “I am expecting something and it is not happening, so I am feeling angry.” Now, who gave you the right to expect? Why must you expect? And what is this business of expectation? Why do you think that you have a right to expect something?

Your expectation is nothing but a desire that the other person should behave according to your image of him. You have an image of your friend, and because of that image you believe that he will behave in a particular way. When his behavior is not according to that image, then you feel…?

Questioner: Anger.

Acharya Prashant: Anger. Now, what is real? Is the behavior real or is the image real?

Questioner: The behavior.

Acharya Prashant: The behavior is real. If the behavior is not matching with the image, that means what was false?

Questioner: The image was false.

Acharya Prashant: The image was false. So, who is stupid?

Questioner: We.

Acharya Prashant: You are stupid because you made a false image. Now, you make a false image, that image is broken on coming in contact with reality, and then you get angry. Don’t you think that is stupid?

What am I doing? First of all, I am making a false image. That image gets dented, broken, when it comes in contact with reality. And when that image gets broken, what do I get?

Questioner: Angry.

Acharya Prashant: Angry! Do you think it is intelligent of me?

Look at the whole process, what my mind is doing. First of all, it creates images. Why must you create images? Why is it necessary to create images?

You create images because you are afraid. You want security.

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